Losing yourself to find yourself.

Hey so I wanted to talk to you a little bit about a concern I have.

We are a companionship of 3 and I have these super sweet companions that get along really well and I feel like I am not really fitting in....:)  I have a reoccurring issue in my life and that is that I always feel like I can't be myself. I do not know how? I really do not have a solid idea of who Adley Fowers is? 

She changes for people, and she says and does things for people, to please, but not for herself. I am not saying that to make you think I am selfless, because honestly it is a bad thing sometimes. If someone asks me a question I answer based on what they want to hear. Even if it is just a matter of opinion and no one will get offended. So I feel like all my life I am just going to be changing for every person I ever meet, and they will move on and I will be an empty shell once again. I do not want to be that, mom!

How do I find myself? What does that even entail? I know that to find yourself you have to lose yourself but that is so vague! I feel like I find something I want to change, start doing it, and then find something else I need to change and it is a circle. I do not get anywhere. 

I feel like I have no personality here, and I don't know why I can not just open up and let people inside me. I am so careful about what I want people to think of me and yet in the end they think less of me. When I am under that pressure I stutter and I can't think straight, and I can't look people in the eyes when I talk.  I don't know mom. 

I just want to be true to myself, but how can I be true to someone I don't know??? I have been thinking about it a lot.

 I came up with this: 

1. There is only one person that never changed- Christ. If there is one person I should change for it should be him.

2. I need to figure out who I am- and by that I mean lose myself- what ever that may entail.

3. Be honest. Be true in all I say and do.

4. I need my Savior more than ever.

Tell me what you think. I am doing fine. I am relying on the last part of my conclusions heavily right now. I just feel alone. I am okay, but I feel alone. I want to figure out who I am and then be okay with others not accepting that.

This week was incredible. The weather is so beautiful and in the front of every apartment there are these beautiful flower gardens that these nannies take care of. There is this statue here that reminds me a lot of the Hungarians. It is a picture of them with rakes, picks, and shovels and they are all dressed the same, but you can just see their resilience in the way they are stanced and they are all staring defiantly around them. It is a neat statue. The Hungarians are so tired and they have been dragged around for so long, but they are so true to themselves. I love it. 

We are meeting tomorrow with a family that we found on the street. They set up with us right there. We were definitely led right to them.

K. mama is going to the hospital tomorrow to get her heart checked out. She wanted us to come, but we couldn't I hope she is okay!

I have been cooking up a storm....:) And do you know what mom? I am so grateful you taught me to clean up my messes after I cooked. It is ingrained in my very being. I love you. 

ALL OF YOUR LIVES SOUND SO EXCITING. I am laughing, and crying, and dying when I read them all! 

Thomas congrats!!!! I am so impressed by your letter. You are changing, and I love you! You are going to be such a strength to the people in Colorado. So happy for you. 

Boys- you are all so funny. I need to keep hearing from you. Jaaron. I know you hate it. But I need you to write. I thoroughly enjoy your bitter sarcasm and rude remarks about my weight. Nate, you are so stinking cute!!! GAH. Peter, you are the man. the chicken. man. 

Brookie- I love you baby. I can't believe you are getting baptized this year. love you.

Dad- Sounds like something I would do in a race...what a coincidence. 

ALRIGHT LOVE EVERYBODY! Keep writing. I seriously read every single persons and loved them I just can comment on everyone's! Love, love, love SF

(Response from Mom)

Adley, print this off and work on one at a time until you feel like you have spent enough time on  one.  Ponder on each question and write down your answers and impressions.

Day 1:  Evaluate your own Personal Rules

Every person has their own set of rules they believe in and hold true and valuable.   When a person breaks one of their own rules they feel less worthy, and less confident in even the smallest matters. It shakes their self-esteem and makes them uncomfortable with who they are.

Write down and evaluate 10 of your own personal rules. Are they reasonable? Are they fair?   

These might be some examples of unreasonable rules:

*If someone doesn’t like me or get along really well with me it is because I am awkward.

*If someone gets frustrated with me they hate me.

*If I don’t say and do everything perfect I won’t be loved.

How would I re-write these rules to be acceptable?

Re-write your own rules if needed.

How does evaluating and re-writing my own set of rules help me become more confident, worthy and improve my self- esteem?

Day 2:  Loving Myself

Being true to oneself, means you love yourself unconditionally.  Who you are is truly always good enough.  When you love yourself unconditionally, it is because you understand you who you are and who you are meant to become.  If you know and love yourself you will find it effortless to be true to yourself.

Write down 20 things that you LOVE about yourself!    

When you cross paths with someone how can sharing something you LOVE about that person help you love yourself?  Try it.

Day 3:  Have Courage to be Introspective

Be who you are! Have the courage to accept yourself as you really are, not as someone else thinks you should be.  What if I don’t know who am I?   It will require you to be introspective, sincere, open-minded and fair.

 (Whitney T. suggested this:)  Make two lists.  On the first list write down what you know about yourself.  Be specific.  On the second list write down what you want to know about yourself.  This will help you identify what specific things you want to find out about yourself.  As you learn new things you can move things around.

If this list is a life-long process, how does that benefit me?

Day 4:  I am Different!

When you are true to yourself, you allow your individuality and uniqueness to shine through. You respect the opinions of others but do not conform to their expectations of you.  They will sense you are strong and capable of standing up for yourself and your beliefs.  It does not mean that you are inconsiderate or disrespectful of others. It means that you will not let others define you or make decisions for you that you should make for yourself. 

Allow yourself 5 experiences to give your true thoughts even if they disagree with another person.  You can be as diplomatic and kind as you want as long as you share your true feelings.

How can being a peacemaker go along with this thought?

Christ was always true to himself, how did he fit in?

Day 5:  Am I really my own self?

Read the story and then ponder on the questions.  (This is from the Christian Monitor)

It occurred to me that the Bible might have guidance on the subject, and I found these words of Christ Jesus: "I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me" (John 5:30).

I was struck by this – the man who walked on water and raised the dead points to his heavenly Father, God, as the source of his power. Jesus saw his "selfhood" not as the origin of his creativity and authority, but as the means through which he did the will of his Father.

A few years ago I was asked to write the music for several songs in another of Shakespeare's plays. I began this task with ease, but I think I started to think of myself as pretty hot stuff, and the composition became more and more difficult. I felt my well of creativity was dry. Finally I realized I'd been ignoring God as my source.

Turning back to prayer, I found an outpouring of musical ideas. More important, it brought me a deepened experience, acknowledging God as the creative Mind.

This has been a major lesson for me, learning that being true to my highest selfhood means seeing God as the ever-present source of good.

How am I tied to God in finding myself?

Am I really my own self?

Ask yourself, “How can God use me with the talents he has blessed me with?”

Day 6:  Find examples in the Scriptures of people who found their unique qualities and talents by serving the Lord.

Read Mormon 1 and Mormon 2:1-2 and underline all of Mormon’s specific character traits that helped him serve the Lord?

Would everyone think these were “cool” talents?

Would some people wish for other ones?

Are there any talents you do not have that you would like to have?

Day 7 :  “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Matthew 16:25)

Earnestly ask the Lord who you are what He wants you to become :)

 

Adley I love you!  I was going to share with you some talents that I know you have but I think I will wait a little and let you do some self- discovery first :)

I read this scripture the other day and thought of all our little missionaries who will become acquainted with God by experiencing hard things...

Acts 2:17

17  And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams;

18  And on my servants and on my handmaidens I will pour out in those days of my Spirit...

You WILL find yourself, because you have already lost yourself.

Love, 

Mom

 

 

 

Letters from the family

Thought I would include some letters from the family to Adley....FYI we are not running a poultry fighting ring :)

Peter

What's up little sis! How many people have you converted yet? Probably like a 1000000000000, like ALWAYS.  Are you getting fat off of weird bacon slabs? Sounds like heaven, well at least the food. Today two of my turkeys got in a fight. I was rooting for Burb. The fight went on for like an hour. Burb won. I got 57 chicks from Cackle Hatchery and am going to get 15 white turkey chicks on May 3. I AM MASS PRODUCING MY ELITE POULTRY ARMY!!!! Mom won't let me get too many birds.

She's pretty mad at me and dad...we spent $250 on poultry but it's all worth it. I have who knows how many chickens, 11 turkeys, 5 guinea hens, and 8 geese with like 20 turkey eggs, 10 chicken eggs, and 4 goose eggs in the incubator. Anyways, be safe and make sure to convert strangers!

Brooke

Yes a true Fowers'.  Who can go on a  mission, oh and preach the gospel . Please send me lots of letters. I  know you have gave me lots of  letters, but put lots of love in it please. Oh we got new pigs. We got two. They are like Petey. You should  see them. I think you would  like to see them. I lost two teeth. I'm about to lose a another tooth. and it's the front one. I am excited and mom will let me get two dollars. Oh and the pigs are white and  black.  Now I will like a horse, but mom will say No! She  will not like pups too. I love you Adley.  I hope you love me too, love Brooke!        

Nathan      

Sorry I have not been able to write you in a while but now I have the chance to drop the load we've got a lot of new things happening now we got a trampoline more chicks, Thomas got his mission call to Colorado.  I'm learning more Spanish by time and time again, so I know the whole alphabet and the numbers up to like 100 and more words. We are going to a father and son camp out next Friday so that will be fun.  Shawn is getting married in July and we are going to California to see it.  We watched Les Miserable's last night (Minis the bad parts that Mom covered up and fast forwarded) and I can't stop singing Red the color of angry men...Black the dark of ages past...Red a world about to dawn...Black the night that ends at LAST!!!!!!!!!!  Love Nathan

Jaaron

After much fighting and coaxing I was forced to write this letter. Mom threatened me with a beating and dad pulled out the one hour of work if I didn't. So I hope this letter takes shorter than an hour so I can at least get my money's worth out of this. (Just joking I love writing to you) Well I got two lovable cute pigs this week and I love them with my whole heart. Mom was against it at first but I made an indestructible pen so mom let me have my way. The day we got them we decided to give them a shot of wormer and for one of the pigs his shot didn't go well so we ended up giving him multiple wounds. I was thinking of how Julius Caesar was stabbed several times so I named him Julius Caesar and the other ones always fighting with him so I named him Brutus. I've also decided to go into lawn mowing which make about $25 an hour. Beat that with your Stryker work. Here is my wonderful flyer for those interested.

Bob's Barbarian Lawn mowing Service.

Who: To whoever wants their lawns mowed.

When: On Saturdays

We offer lawn mowing and weed eating for a price settled for on the phone. Preferably $25 for both lawn services

To talk about the price please call #.

Always on the cutting edge.

I'm still working on a catchy jingle so everyone will know who I am. Anyway I think that whole diet you set up right before you left did nothing against the power of raw, greasy, fatty bacon. You're going to come home obese and I'm going to laugh really REALLY HARD!!! So we watched Les Miserable's last night and the actor for the young lover boy looked almost exactly like N. and the other actress was just blonde so I guess it reminded me of you. I had just come back from a camp out and I was SUN BURNT and when they were singing the song "red the color of angry men" I blatantly said "red the color of my NECK" and When you say what I said... say it as irritated as you can and it will be a lot funnier. Well I miss your constant rivalry and I think I'm getting fat without you always keeping the pressure up. (Notice how I said keeping the pressure up NOT WINNING :). Love me always, Jaaron.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Adley's Letter Hungary 2

Family!

How was General Conference? I missed Sunday afternoon session and a little bit of the Sunday morning but it was great! President Monson talked about HUNGARY! Debrecen is the place where my old companion is! I bet the ward over there was in a fit of joy.

Thanks for all the letters. Mom I am so proud of you! I was definitely wishing someone would give their family a Book of Mormon. They need it. Everyone needs it!

Great news! The sun was shining all day yesterday and I saw the stars for the first time while we were tracting! They are so beautiful here, I couldn't keep my eyes off them. The sunshine didn't come to Dunaujvaros though. Haha. I am not kidding you when I say that on the way back to Duna there was a line of clouds separating the two cities. It was so ironic. I love irony and I LOVE DUNA!!! We went up to Buda for the New Missionary training on a 2 hour train ride after the first session of conference. That city is just beautiful. We visited the Buda castle and they have this beautiful little park there. We stopped at a street vendor and got the BEST gyros in the world and then we went to the Pékség or bakery and got some delicious breads. It was so nice to meet up with all of my old MTC roommates and just help each other with whatever they were struggling with.

This week we tracted for 18 hours and we got a lot of promising new investigators but each time we try to contact them we never get a reply. That is a little discouraging. Also our new investigator dropped us yesterday. She is a very sweet mom with 2 kids, and she has a friend in the branch who introduced her to us. Hopefully we can talk to him and get it all figured out.

We also visited this E. She is such a humble little lady who lives alone. Her husband died just last year and she has a small little apartment in the 10 story. He had actually passed away almost a year to the day that we visited. She was so kind. She invited us in, kissed us, and we talked to her about her concerns and needs. We do a lot of work of less actives and she happens to be one, but pinned ever so humbly on her bedroom wall are pictures of the tree of life, Joseph Smith, the temple, and Jesus Christ.

I told you about the time the sisters and I went out to visit M. in the nursing home right? How it was one of the most sacred places I have been, to witness the kind of faith and humility that shakes the powers of hell. Well here I was again, Little Éva sitting on her bed in a tattered dress, tears running down her plump little cheek, with her pictures of what matters most to her on the wall. She feels alone was all I could really understand from what she said but it was enough. I cried with her. This new, little American girl, who she has never met, but I knew to some lesser degree what she was feeling. I told her she is never alone. That Christ understands her perfectly and that he loved her. And that was it. Broken and simple. And I know that is true. I wept for joy all the way home. I cried because here is this little lady the world has forgotten. Who doesn't come to church, and probably doesn't have many friends. She spends her time in an empty apartment and misses her husband, but she knows. She knows that Jesus is the Christ. She knows that Joseph Smith restored the simple truth to the Earth. She has tasted of Christ's matchless love. And she knows that because of her temple sealing she will be forever with her sweet little husband. She said she feels someone is there. She is right. Christ forgets no one. I am amazed by that every day. I love him so much.

My testimony about finding those lost sheep is deepening. We spend most of the time with members who have gone astray and to some people that might not mean as much as  getting a baptism or finding a the golden investigator. But to me that is why I am here. It is just as important to bring people to the church as it is to take care of them. They have made covenants with God and they will be held accountable for the covenants they have made. It is so critical they understand those, and are taken care of and feel his love.

I always think of when we try to give vaccines to our little sheep. Yeah, they are fast, they kick you, and they are impossible to hold onto for more than 5 seconds but they NEED THIS. Same thing here and everywhere else in the world. I do not think for a minute that the good shepherd came back looking as perfect as he did in all the pictures. I see him gasping for breath, his clothes are torn, he is a little dirty from his adventure but there plastered on his face is the biggest smile. I feel so much like that good shepherd's little helper. I do not do things perfectly, I scrape my knees, I get dirty, and I might not be fast enough to catch them. But how great will be my joy when I bring that little lamb back and put him in the middle of the fold.

Today we are going to go visit with an older lady named Á. This visit is especially important because if we feel she is not progressing we have to drop her. Yeah, this might be a first. I have spent all day trying to prepare for her. I read Alma 18 and a thought occurred to me. So in this chapter it talks about how Ammon explains who God is to King Lamoni. King Lamoni after he hears about Ammon and all the great things he has done is very afraid. He thinks about all the times when he has slain his servants because they could not keep the sheep from being scattered by the Lamanites. He is so afraid in fact he does not even want to speak to Ammon. Let me explain something here. Who does King Lamoni think God is? He instantly fears him because he thinks he has come to destroy. Christ said I am come not to destroy but to save. So many people know they are not perfect, they know they have done wrong and so facing such a God instantly brings fear. IT IS EXACTLY WHAT SATAN WANTS US TO THINK. That God is a destroyer, unmerciful, and a demander of perfection. How incorrect. He is a creator of lives, a merciful all -sacrificing Father, who demands the best and makes up the rest. He is a perfect God for imperfect people. Anyway, I am definitely preaching, but try and help them see who God really is. I have faith we can convey this to Á.

Mom, you are incredible. I really do feel your support here. There are so many people there who need the gospel. I will pray for B. Don't cry! I am learning things I would never have been able to experience anywhere else. Do you remember how some of the early church members thought it was really silly that the prophet poorly timed the Willy Martin Handcart Company? Then one man from the party stood up and told them that he would pay that price again to become acquainted with his God. Something like that. It is the same here. On one hand, I have never felt so much sorrow. On the other, I have never felt so much joy. I have never felt such unrest, or such peace. I am becoming acquainted with my God and I will not trade it for anything. I am learning what É. knows, what is important. I have gotten into the habit of saying I do not care in every prayer. I do not care if this is difficult. I do not care if not one person accepts his message. I do not care what I want. I do not care if I die here! I really do not! I am going to do WHATEVER the Lord asks me because that is best. He knows best. I trust him. So no worrying. Also, I do not care if this is a blog :)  Just make sure it is edited :) I cannot do a whole lot with this keyboard. And no I did not mean to make you cry, it is just that great out here!

Dad,
How is work? I have been praying for you! I tell everyone here about how you are the best, hardest working dad in the world. My Hero. Also, if you could send me a sheep so I can demonstrate to my companions how hard it is to catch one that would be swell.

Shawn,
Gratulák! I cannot wait to see pictures and I hope everything goes according to plan! Save me a piece of cake...or something....oh the invites! I WANT TO SEE THEM.

Carissa,
 Sorry you are having a crummy week. Listen, this is going to pass. How are you doing with service? Did you go to the hospital and find those kids that need you!? I want to be like you. Save me a piece of that corn, kay?

Thomas,
Hey man. How is family life? Where do you think you are going??? I want to know your guess okay???

Adgie,
I cannot imagine you as a cashier or as anything other than a nursing home assistant so it is really weird for me to picture you in McDonalds....Did you like the clothes? So glad you liked the books, some weirdo put them in the give away bin! I had a dream last night, that someone was trying to kidnap you and I had a death grip on you. They could not tear us apart..hahahaha. It was awesome.

Jaaron,
I highly recommend you grow pigs with 3 inches of fat around them....start a business in Hungary and you will be set for life.

Peter!
 I saw a chicken farm yesterday with hundreds of chickens while I was on the train, made me think of you. Nice job selling the fatted chickens, I expect some of that pay.

Nathan
I miss your bowtie. Are you trying to sell rabbits or anything? Sounds like Peter is making bank.....you could be tooooooooo.

Brookie woookie smookie,

I wuv you very much. Kissy face. I will send you some treats soon okay. Love YOU!

I love you all, I am safe and happy in little Duna. Thanks for the prayers,
Sister Fowers

Adley's Letter Hungary 1

Alright, I have no idea where to start. I am HERE! Using a new keyboard and currently in the Dunaujvaros library.

Wow. Really, do not know where to start.

So we left the MTC, got on the 16 hour plane ride. On the plane I talked to two VERY sweet prepared ladies. The 16 hour flight with F., (who you should be receiving emails from, she wants to stay in contact and tell me all about how the book of mormon reading is going) kissed my face off before I got off the plane. EVERYONE KISSES HERE. I never realized how much of a touchaphobic I am. That is definitely going to change. I shared the Restoration with her, read the Book of Mormon with her and I am pretty sure she wanted me to hook up with her son. It was great. She promised she would read it, and that she never breaks a promise. It was amazing. Then I talked to J., on the ride from London to Hungary. I also talked to her about the Book of Mormon and then she promised to read it as well, I cannot believe stuff like this actually happens. We got off the plane and our mission president was waiting for us, and the first thing he said is he had seen a lady come off the plane with a Book of Mormon and that she said she was going to read it. Cool, huh?

Alright, so we got to the Buda ward building with is 5 stories and is actually very pretty. I didn't have any of my luggage because it had been lost. So I was stuck in the the most disgusting clothes. We had dinner and went to bed. Next morning we got assigned companions and our area. I am in Dunaujvaros. Apparently one of the least attractive and less active cities. That sounds negative, but when I got here I completely understood. So basically Hungary has been occupied by the communists and this city used to be called Stallins City. They have these 10 story apartments that are so sad looking. We live on floor 9. They have gray,  insides are just cement, the elevators are metal boxes, the streets are just PAVED with dog feces and gum.( our apartment though is painted orange and a minty green. so random) There is graffiti on EVERYTHING. Hungary has a smell to it, just the smell of smoke and grease and campfire. When I took my first shower here I reeked of it so badly. I am getting used to it though, and I can hardly smell it anymore. Everything is so dusty. I am currently in the process of mom cleaning everything :) I am currently sleeping on an air mattress, it is a cute little blue one.

I know it sounds like I am complaining but I really am not. I am just telling you how it is here. I do not think I can accurately describe the general atmosphere, but it feels like "hopeless". I know that sounds bad, but the people here come off that way to me. Not the members, they are great, but I can hardly stand to tract. Let me explain.

So we have been tracting a lot these first few days, it has been freezing cold outside, so we tract these 10 stories. Most people just close the door or just aren't interested. The old nannies talk to us but do not want lessons. Which is just part of being a missionary but it is the things they say that get me. We tracted to one man a few days ago and I kid you not when he opened the door it was an ABSOLUTE ABSENCE of light. I have never felt anything so hopeless, so strong, so sickening, so overwhelmingly dark. He was smoking and it was dark and he had his pants undone, and just a look that almost made me cry. He actually accepted the Book of Mormon, but I wanted to be out of there SO badly. I do not say that because I had anything against him, the only way I can describe it is he was so deathly sick with sin. Does that make sense. I have not been able to shake the feeling. I have been wondering what God thinks of this, his child who is just so engrossed with sin and just how sorrowful he must be. I have never felt such a sorrow. The Lord let me experience that for a reason though. I think of when Christ rides into Jerusalem  and sees all of these people who expect him to save them from the oppressions of the Roman empire, and how he just wept. And now I weep with him. These people who have longed for freedom for so long, whose secret strivings are to find peace and happiness and who wander in darkness. These people who want light but do not know it comes through Christ.

I am not going to lie. This is by far the most difficult week of my life. I have been told to go back to America, I cannot speak this beautiful message I know, I have to live with strangers in a dirty little apartment, I have to miss out on my favorite people, I have not seen the sun since I got here, and worse I have to witness my brothers and sisters just struggle. But I can honestly say I am so grateful to be here. I feel closer to my Savior than ever before because I know how he feels. I cry with him and him with me. And we work together. I almost died yesterday getting up and I said one prayer.  Just one. And my heart swelled to an unimaginable size. I love him. I cannot wait to see him. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.

So I know that was a lot. Just know, I am well. I am doing better than I ever have before, and it is because of Christ.

The First day here we went to Lunch with an old gentlemen they call J. B. and would you like to know what we ate?  Slices of what I can only describe as cold bacon about half an inch thick with a fat ring around it that is an inch thick. And you have to eat all of it. You butter up the bread with the fat and then eat boiled eggs with it. A well balanced diet, I would say. I had that yesterday for Easter. Except this time they only cooked half of the meat. HAHAHA. Raw pork chops, anyone? And it was breakfast.

They do not really have breakfast foods, just REALLY heavy greasy bacon slabs, all day every day. Which are actually not too bad....except terribly unhealthy. So we got to this house and the kid comes out with this ferret and he is just throwing this thing around, and it smells so terrible. They call him stinky Tobbi. How appropriate. Nice ferret though.

On Easter ( some man thought up this holiday, because it is so ridiculous) They spray all the women with water as a sign of affection and then the woman has to give them candy. Yeah, such a guy holiday. So we came in and their mom walked in and they just soaked her with these spray bottles....I think we should do this next Easter when we are all together? It was so.....bizarre. They say that we are flowers blooming in spring and so before they spray you they recite a cute little poem. I cannot imagine anything more adorable. ( By the way very superstitious people, you must wear shoes all the time or you will get a cold an die) Anyways,

So we set out the lovely bacon and bread and they just use their hands and already used silverware to dish up. I have never seen anything like it. The Father saw my companion not eating the fat and just popped it off her plate onto his. So we get done eating and this kid A., alright not even a kid (23 year old still living with mom and dad) comes out with a super soaker which we unfortunately did not recognize as such and soaks us. at the dinner table. over all the food. just soaks us. in freezing cold weather. soaks us. To say the least, I was definitely not going to give him candy....It was insane. So the kids here live with their parents for FOREVER. It is just so different.

What else....oh we are meeting with an older lady named K. mama. She is the cutest stinking thing. She is trying to give us smoking, and she had a bap date but she is trying to quit so hopefully it works out for her.

I gave my first talk in church. 17 people, including us missionaries. Apparently a while back they had a huge apostasy. 250 MEMBERS LEFT. The reason was because the branch president got offended and left. He did so much for the church too. He translated part of the Book of Mormon, he met with the apostles,  he traveled for the church, just a big guy and now inactive. One offense. We are currently teaching him, and he knows it is all true and just will not come back, said he would never step foot in the building again. Crazy. And you know what? That is how it is with so many people here. I was reading the area book and it is the same thing over, and over, and over again. offended. offended. offended. The problem is that they are all so blunt and just cannot stand each other. It is the weirdest thing, these people do not like people. I mean have a literal phobia of people. So now the ward is tiny. So important to endure to the end, so important.

The bakeries are fantastic. Though, I am trying to eat really healthy to balance out all of the meals where I eat multiple servings of plain fat. We work out with the Elders in the mornings to p90x so hopefully I can stay healthy.

Oh yeah. And we have tracted into so many people without clothes on. It is not even funny.

So when you tract later at night you have to constantly press a button that lights up the halls and so we get to this door and we stand there for a second and this man comes out not wearing...much and just looking so much like Tarzan ( not in an attractive way) at this point my eyeballs have just exploded and I was just caught so off guard and then the light conveniently goes out after we all just stare awkwardly at each other. I almost died laughing. But it was so weird. Alright, I just read that and it did not sound funny...but it was. I promise.

I cannot even describe the way I feel about you as an example. It is so hard to just get out of this cozy little shell I have created. This work is so important and it helps so much to have members come. Tell Adrienne to volunteer too and anyone else. It just really helps us missionaries. Gah. I love you. So wonderful. I have been thinking so much of the blessings you and dad have been given because of this gospel and I just want to share it with everyone here.

Dad, I do not know why but I have your white hand book, and I treasure it because you wrote in it. I do not know why, I just do. Miss you :)

I need to go now, looks like there is a storm outside and we have lessons today. I have absolutely no comforts here. Nothing is normal, or homey but I am SO happy to be here. I am learning who the real comfort comes from though. I am so glad he is taking care of all of you too. I love you all with all of my heart.

Sister Fowers